On Being Self-full

How much time do you spend in a day trying to make other people happy?  Trying to please others?  Putting your own needs and desires aside?  Running around like a lunatic, doing what you think you should?  Or what others think you should?  Running the engine of your soul on vapors because you never put any gas in your tank?  An excellent recipe for resentment and resulting rebellious (and often regrettable) behavior, methinks!  Not what I came here for, thanks!

If you're like many people, you may spend the majority of your time doing this.  And probably, you aren't so happy about it, and ironically, those around you probably aren't so happy either, rendering your heroic (but kinda uninspired) efforts nearly useless.

Why do we do this?  Seems to me that we are groomed for it from very early on -- that 'selflessness' is our purportedly noble goal as human beings.  Selflessness.  Selflessness.  That's a pretty creepy sounding word, especially when you look at the definition closely:

"the act of sacrificing ones own interest for the greater good"

GAH!  How can that be a good thing, really?  Yeah, I know, you can conjure up images of war heroes, social workers, saints and sages, giving their all for the benefit of others.  But, wait ...

... I would dare to say that by and large, those people are not being "selfless".  They are being self-full, or possibly even selfish, by definition.  The extreme actions that they are taking, which are benefitting many others, are likely benefitting themselves the most!  They are acting from their soul's passions!  In those moments, whether they are giving up their life, or their time, or their money, it is because they are connecting to their Best Selves and putting it out into the world in the biggest, most incredible way possible.  They are acting from their deepest hearts and taking those chances -- speaking out, starting a business, taking a risk, big or small, doing what their heart knows is the biggest thing they can do, that will make them glad they were born, whatever, comes of it all.  And that inevitably benefits others.  As I'm very fond of saying, it's PHYSICS!

Instead of selflessness, let's try talking about oneness instead.  That sounds soooo much warmer and friendlier.  And then instead of just talking about it, let's do it for just a minute or two here and there, eh?  Hee hee.  For more in the spirit of oneness, please listen to this fabulous song, Amazing, by clicking here.  Thanks to Kim Ryan for telling me about it -- it's now one of my Happy Dance songs every day!

Springtime love & hugs to all -- 

MJ

p.s.  For those of you who have attended my group, Adventures in Meditation -- we'll be on hiatus until August 9th, when I'll resume with a monthly guided meditation group, yippee!!

Living by Example

     I had an interesting conversation with a friend today.  We both have numerous creative urges in life, as well as a fair amount of visible energy.  At one point our talk turned toward:  the question of sharing your experiences with others.  Can you ever effectively 'tell' someone something (insight of any kind) and have it actually be helpful?  Is there a point in doing this?  After all, you can't make someone be where they're not.  You can't make someone feel or understand something they just don't.  You know the saying about bringing a horse to water!  And -- who's to say we're 'right' anyhow?  It's a quandary when you have urges to help, urges to share. 

     However, that being said -- preaching sucks!  Who seriously listens to someone who is preaching, ranting or otherwise shoving their insights down your throat?  Not me.  I usually view that as an indicator to run away, directly.  Nothing is more exhausting and uninspiring that an exasperated person in your face, lecturing you!

     So what do we do?  I've encountered this issue since I started doing talks about meditation.  At first I thought -- who am I to tell anyone else what to do?  And -- everyone knows that preaching at people never helps!  Thankfully, after my first talk, an awfully nice man named George stood up and reeled off a nifty list of compliments to me, ending with "and it's very obvious that you practice what you preach".

     An AHA! moment for me, for sure!  I realized then (and remember it some of the time) that when we have a genuine passion for something, anything, it is ALWAYS highly apparent to others.  When we live true to our passions, in any area, it is inevitably an inspiration to others, without even trying to draw attention to it.  Hmmmmmm.

     What if the next time we see something that we believe is wrong, or needs to be changed or fixed or helped -- what if we stop and take a breath and remember that the best way -- the only  way  -- that we can really help others and affect change for good is to follow the passions of our souls and live by example?  I think we all know the beautiful quote from Mahatma Gandhi -- 

     "Be the change you want to see in the world."

     Okay, okay, I'll stop before I get too preachy.  Happy spring -- asparagus and strawberries are on the way! 

Love from the hammock --

MJ

What is a miracle? Or rather, what isn't?

"There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle." -- Albert Einstein

I wonder what the average person would say if you asked them if they'd ever seen a "miracle" in their life.

Of course, I'm unable to answer that question for anyone but myself -- but in my own ongoing experience, I'm pretty sure that a miracle can be found in any given moment, depending on your focus.  We can choose "miracle", or we can choose "oh, I've already seen that a million times".  

We can curse the dandelions and mow them down, or we can consider each one as a thimbleful of sunny miraculousness (and then mow them down).  We can wake up every morning and grumble about getting up, or we can consider the fact that we woke up at all in the first place!  We can look at our parent, or child, or lover, or dog and consider that maybe we don't really know everything about them.  We can turn a new and present eye to everything around us, for just a minute, now and then.

Take the fact that if you cut yourself on a kitchen knife right now, the cells in your body immediately begin the healing process, all on their own, without you doing anything.  Consider all the workings in your body that go on all day, every day, for your entire life.  How could that be anything short of a miracle?  Just for a minute, imagine all the oceans of the earth and all the life that is going on there, from whales to tiny plankton.  Look at the tree outside your window, that has been standing there for decades, living it's entire life right in front of you, making new leaves every spring, making oxygen every day.  Obviously, this list could go on ... and on ... and on!  People -- animals -- nature -- art -- technology!  Because truly -- is there anything in the world that you could look at, or hear, or touch, or feel, or experience in some way -- that is not a miracle, if you shift your focus for just a moment?  What if we took a break from wishing for 'signs' from the Great Beyond and saw what is right in front of us, every day?  And amazingly, that is our choice to make.  Yay!  

Ok, Pollyanna is getting off the soapbox now.  And in the spirit of impending spring, please click here to watch an incredible bit of film showing some "everyday" miracles around us.  Thanks to Pete Onofrio for bringing it to my attention!  

And please click here to look at the schedule for Adventures in Meditation and upcoming Kirtan dates!  

Miraculously and appreciatively yours!

MJ

Why I Love Chanting

Ok, so it's 4 am, and I'm up writing a column.  Something has to be really calling to me to get me up at that hour, let me tell you.  (Well, that plus the fact that I ate a giant bowl of pasta at 9:30 pm.)  And -- I have been singing a Hare Krishna chant in my sleep for the last 4 hours!

Depending on the scope of your life experiences, when I say "Hare Krishna", you may immediately get a vision of people dancing in orange robes at airports.  I urge you to suspend that vision and read on!

Here's my own take on chanting.  My first real exposure to chanting was through a Deva Premal CD that a friend gave to me.  I liked it.  Sort of.  I put it in my car stereo, and sang to a few of the songs frequently while driving.  It grew on me.  A lot.  After a while, I noticed that I was really looking forward to driving anywhere, so I could chant as loud as I wanted, to the same songs, over and over.  It was fun.  It was uplifting!  Nowadays, I can be found chanting while doing dishes, while doing any housework, while walking the dog (quietly), and especially while driving.  It just makes me feel fabulous -- happy, relaxed, uncluttered in my mind.

The tradition of chanting exists in nearly every culture and/or religion in some form, although the kind that I'm hearing about most these days is Sanskrit chanting.  Deva Premal often features chants from different cultures -- Native American, South American, etc. -- in her recordings.  So, it's everywhere.  And yet, why, you may ask, do you want to start chanting?

Chanting is really a form of meditation -- as is anything that distracts you from your own brain chatter for a period of time.  It will give you a rest from yourself.  It will help you get your evil twin out of the way so that your best self can show up more often.  So, there is that awesome aspect -- and there is the aspect of prayer.  I always find out the basic meaning or translation of chants, so that I have a general idea of the intention behind the words.  It is quite powerful to think that you are singing something that has been chanted by thousands of people for hundreds, or even thousands of years, all having the same intention!  I love that!

The good news is that if you'd like to chant/sing with other people, you can go to a kirtan.  (read more about kirtans and chanting by clicking here)  This is basically a call-and-response concert (from very small groups to very large).  Everybody sings.  An amazing experience that I highly recommend, at least once!  You can keep your eyes closed the whole time if you like, no self-consciousness required!  Many yoga studios hold kirtans.  


And the really exciting news is -- at my next weekly meditation group, Thurs. Feb. 9th at 7:15 pm, 35 Boston Street in Guilford, I am pleased to welcome the young, peaceful and talented Andrew Biagiarelli, for a low-key kirtan!!  A perfect opportunity for you newcomers, as well as the experienced kirtan-goer.  Please email me at mjinsync@yahoo.com or call me at 203-444-5625 if you're planning on coming, so I can get a general head count.   And -- if you still just can't bear the thought of it, please do try some chanting in private.  I won't tell a soul!  

And now, if you find yourself a little more open to the Hare Krishna thing, I invite you to click here to listen to samples from Krishna Das' album, All One.  Translations of Hare Krishna, Hare Rama vary, but it basically means "O Universe, please engage me in your devotional services".  I've just decided that for me it means "holy God, holy Universe".  And that suits me just fine.

Happy Valentine's Day from the hammock!

MJ

The Year of Auspiciousness

Auspicious:  showing or suggesting that future success is likely; attended by good fortune; favorable.

I've always liked 25 cent words (you know, the big ones), and auspiciousness definitely falls into that category.  Love it.  So, why don't we just go ahead and declare this to be The Year of Auspiciousness?  Who can stop us?  Are you with me?

Here's my Auspiciousness Plan:

1.  Keep meditating and Happy Dancing and whatever-ing in the face of any adversity, as much as possible.

2.  Make lots of fun and exciting goals and plans, and simultaneously do my best to give up any need for them to actually happen the way I think they should.  Enjoy the daydreaming; no attachment to outcome.

3.  Remember that the better I feel, the better everyone around me will feel.  I am not doing anyone any favors by suffering.

4.  Keep planting seeds in my own particular way, and encourage others to do so also.

5.  Remember that Everything is Always Working Out, despite how things might temporarily appear, and there is no logical reason for me to assume otherwise.

6.  Eat more leafy green vegetables and escalate my love affair with avocados.  

7.  Remember that I always, always get what I expect.  Practice expecting Extreme Auspiciousness.

Uh oh -- this looks suspiciously like a New Years Resolution List, doesn't it?  And we all know how deadly those can be!  This might be different though, because it's fairly simple, and I'm already somewhat good at doing most of it.  (Although there's always room for more kale.)  Frankly, I think this list is a darned good recipe for -- hey, a Year of Auspiciousness!  Woo hoo! Think I'll throw in a little extra spinach and collard greens for good measure.  And another Happy Dance.  Just in case.

I am wishing everyone a year in which you take some Small Steps toward some Big Dreams!  And let's make the most we can of all the little moments in between, because I suspect that that is what Big Dreams are made of.  Here's to blooming for our own benefit, and therefore for the benefit of everyone else.

And please join me for Adventures in Meditation on Thursday nights from 7-8 pm, at the Shoreline Center for Wholistic Health, 35 Boston St., in Guilford, if you're inclined.  I'm getting pretty darned charged up about it!  Drop in any time.

  

Auspiciously yours,

MJ

What If?

A moment of respite from the impending holiday season.

What if?  One of my favorite questions.  The point being, how often do we ask ourselves "What if", to the negative?

For example:

What if this doesn't go well today?  What if I'm unhappy?  What if something is wrong?  What if they don't like me?  What if it rains?  What if I don't do it right?  What if I can't find a parking space?  What if my partner is in a bad mood?  What if I'm late?  What if every worst case scenario that I can think of actually happens?  (Gotta love the last one.)

If you claim to never think of any of the above, I'm certain that you are either a saint, or you are dead.  Let's just go on the premise that we are all our own worst enemies, and probably think this way far more than we even realize (or would ever admit).  For example, I've noticed that I do this while driving, to a crazy degree.  I constantly anticipate that people will cut me off, drive too slow, endanger me in some way -- that generally speaking, everyone is my adversary on the highway.  

Now, what in the name of Mary Poppins is the point of thinking this way?  Can I seriously consider that something good is going to come of it?  Well, whether you're looking at it scientifically or spiritually, the laws of physics would indicate a big fat NO, in answer to that question!  Like attracts like.  Therefore, why do we want to spend any more of our precious time What If-ing to the negative?

First of all, it feels terrible, yes?  And the bottom line is, when you feel terrible, you cannot be at your best, and you cannot connect with the good in the world.  Second of all, we are not doomed to this thinking.  Hallelujah!  It's simply bad training.  It doesn't matter why or how we started thinking like this, so much of the time.  The point is that you can take back that time, little by little, and retrain yourself.  Why couldn't we ask ourselves, "What if", to the positive?  

For example:

What if I have a great time?  What if they love it?  What if I'm there at just the right moment?  What if everything's fine?  What if it's even better than I thought?  What if s/he is in a great mood?  What if EVERYTHING IS WORKING OUT FOR ME?!

Synopsis of this column:  You get what you expect, so be darned careful what you expect.

Thanks to my lovie friend, Lori Blackwell, for planting the seed of What if.  Please watch her uplifting youtube video of her wonderful song,  Got Hope?   This is one of the songs that I do my Happy Dance to.

One last thought -- What if this holiday season was relaxing and peaceful and filled with fabulous people and inspiring moments?  What if I could really eat my weight in chocolate?  Aahhhh, I guess that's going a little too far, eh?

Love & hugs from under the hairdryer (my winter alternative to the hammock),

MJ

Flying Dreams

Everyone has them in some form or another, right?  I don't know what your flying dreams look like to you, but here's what I remember about mine.

I've been having lucid flying dreams ever since I can remember (meaning that I know that I'm asleep while it's happening).  Over the decades, they've progressed and changed quite dramatically.  I used to just use dream flying as an escape from something bad or scary, and it always involved a lot of flapping and physical effort.  It was exhausting!  Gradually, I progressed to less effort-ful flying, and would fly just for fun.  

I remember one dream in particular, where I flew way out into space and was looking back at the planet, and I just started dancing and floating and zooming around, totally happy and blissed out.  After this, I started having dreams about being able to go through walls and objects at will.  Once I dreamed that I very purposely put my hand right through a rock.  In the dream, I had a complete understanding of how I had to feel and what I had to think in order to do it.  And the flying dreams progressed the same way, to the point where I now know exactly the feeling that I have to feel in order to just take off, completely effortlessly and totally happy.

So, that's really great and all, but what the heck does it have to do with anything?  I've read dream interpretation books over the years, but no explanation ever really rang a bell with me about this.  I know they are not 'just dreams'.  But what does this have to do with my waking life?  It seems INCREDIBLY important while I'm asleep, and I have a very strong sense of needing to practice this over and over and over -- but WHY?  I could never quite make sense of it, and I felt a little sad that I didn't know how to bring that fabulous feeling of flying into my 'real' life.

Well, isn't it amazing how we receive answers when we aren't really looking for them?  The other morning (the morning after I gave my yippy skippy Happiness Club talk -- thanks to the 99 of you that came, woo hoo!) I was woken up by my darling doggy right at the point where I was about to just take off and fly.  I still had the feeling of it as I was lying there being mauled and licked by Lizzie.  And I realized, OH, THIS IS WHY I DREAM THESE DREAMS!  I am indeed practicing!  Not to actually fly or walk through a wall, but to bring that feeling into my everyday life as much as I can ...

...And what exactly is that feeling, the feeling of flying?  The way I see it right now, it's a feeling of complete and total absence of any resistance.  A complete letting go.  No effort to control or direct.  An utter relaxation of body, mind and spirit.  Total trust.  Knowing that everything is always working out.  And why do I want to feel that way?  1.  It feels utterly fabulous.  2.  It is a clear connection to my Best Self (which I can then, hopefully, share).  That seems like a good place to start!

I guess I'll see you in my dreams ... hee hee!  Please feel free to share any flying dream stories with me!

Hugs from the hammock (we've moved it into the barn for the winter),

MJ

p.s.  Now that I've been bitten by the Speaking Bug, please let me know if you have a  business or school or group of any kind that might like to hear my Five Minutes to a Better World talk.  IT'S FUN!  And it's free!