What If?

A moment of respite from the impending holiday season.

What if?  One of my favorite questions.  The point being, how often do we ask ourselves "What if", to the negative?

For example:

What if this doesn't go well today?  What if I'm unhappy?  What if something is wrong?  What if they don't like me?  What if it rains?  What if I don't do it right?  What if I can't find a parking space?  What if my partner is in a bad mood?  What if I'm late?  What if every worst case scenario that I can think of actually happens?  (Gotta love the last one.)

If you claim to never think of any of the above, I'm certain that you are either a saint, or you are dead.  Let's just go on the premise that we are all our own worst enemies, and probably think this way far more than we even realize (or would ever admit).  For example, I've noticed that I do this while driving, to a crazy degree.  I constantly anticipate that people will cut me off, drive too slow, endanger me in some way -- that generally speaking, everyone is my adversary on the highway.  

Now, what in the name of Mary Poppins is the point of thinking this way?  Can I seriously consider that something good is going to come of it?  Well, whether you're looking at it scientifically or spiritually, the laws of physics would indicate a big fat NO, in answer to that question!  Like attracts like.  Therefore, why do we want to spend any more of our precious time What If-ing to the negative?

First of all, it feels terrible, yes?  And the bottom line is, when you feel terrible, you cannot be at your best, and you cannot connect with the good in the world.  Second of all, we are not doomed to this thinking.  Hallelujah!  It's simply bad training.  It doesn't matter why or how we started thinking like this, so much of the time.  The point is that you can take back that time, little by little, and retrain yourself.  Why couldn't we ask ourselves, "What if", to the positive?  

For example:

What if I have a great time?  What if they love it?  What if I'm there at just the right moment?  What if everything's fine?  What if it's even better than I thought?  What if s/he is in a great mood?  What if EVERYTHING IS WORKING OUT FOR ME?!

Synopsis of this column:  You get what you expect, so be darned careful what you expect.

Thanks to my lovie friend, Lori Blackwell, for planting the seed of What if.  Please watch her uplifting youtube video of her wonderful song,  Got Hope?   This is one of the songs that I do my Happy Dance to.

One last thought -- What if this holiday season was relaxing and peaceful and filled with fabulous people and inspiring moments?  What if I could really eat my weight in chocolate?  Aahhhh, I guess that's going a little too far, eh?

Love & hugs from under the hairdryer (my winter alternative to the hammock),

MJ

Flying Dreams

Everyone has them in some form or another, right?  I don't know what your flying dreams look like to you, but here's what I remember about mine.

I've been having lucid flying dreams ever since I can remember (meaning that I know that I'm asleep while it's happening).  Over the decades, they've progressed and changed quite dramatically.  I used to just use dream flying as an escape from something bad or scary, and it always involved a lot of flapping and physical effort.  It was exhausting!  Gradually, I progressed to less effort-ful flying, and would fly just for fun.  

I remember one dream in particular, where I flew way out into space and was looking back at the planet, and I just started dancing and floating and zooming around, totally happy and blissed out.  After this, I started having dreams about being able to go through walls and objects at will.  Once I dreamed that I very purposely put my hand right through a rock.  In the dream, I had a complete understanding of how I had to feel and what I had to think in order to do it.  And the flying dreams progressed the same way, to the point where I now know exactly the feeling that I have to feel in order to just take off, completely effortlessly and totally happy.

So, that's really great and all, but what the heck does it have to do with anything?  I've read dream interpretation books over the years, but no explanation ever really rang a bell with me about this.  I know they are not 'just dreams'.  But what does this have to do with my waking life?  It seems INCREDIBLY important while I'm asleep, and I have a very strong sense of needing to practice this over and over and over -- but WHY?  I could never quite make sense of it, and I felt a little sad that I didn't know how to bring that fabulous feeling of flying into my 'real' life.

Well, isn't it amazing how we receive answers when we aren't really looking for them?  The other morning (the morning after I gave my yippy skippy Happiness Club talk -- thanks to the 99 of you that came, woo hoo!) I was woken up by my darling doggy right at the point where I was about to just take off and fly.  I still had the feeling of it as I was lying there being mauled and licked by Lizzie.  And I realized, OH, THIS IS WHY I DREAM THESE DREAMS!  I am indeed practicing!  Not to actually fly or walk through a wall, but to bring that feeling into my everyday life as much as I can ...

...And what exactly is that feeling, the feeling of flying?  The way I see it right now, it's a feeling of complete and total absence of any resistance.  A complete letting go.  No effort to control or direct.  An utter relaxation of body, mind and spirit.  Total trust.  Knowing that everything is always working out.  And why do I want to feel that way?  1.  It feels utterly fabulous.  2.  It is a clear connection to my Best Self (which I can then, hopefully, share).  That seems like a good place to start!

I guess I'll see you in my dreams ... hee hee!  Please feel free to share any flying dream stories with me!

Hugs from the hammock (we've moved it into the barn for the winter),

MJ

p.s.  Now that I've been bitten by the Speaking Bug, please let me know if you have a  business or school or group of any kind that might like to hear my Five Minutes to a Better World talk.  IT'S FUN!  And it's free!

On Makin' It Up

Okay, so we all love our traditions and organizations and practices and methods and habits and rituals.  We love our yoga, tai chi, meditation, running, swimming, hiking, Christianity, Buddhism (and every other known formal religion), dancing, singing, writing and creating on any and all levels, in all of their many variations.   And whatever else you'd like to fondly throw in there.

Here's a thought that I find myself coming back to all the time:  At some point, whether it was last week, last year, or a thousand years ago -- someone made it up!  A person, just like you and me, 'made up' the information or practice or belief system or creative process.  (Sorry if this sounds childlike and simplistic!  But I guess it is!)  Yes, this information likely came to them during a highly inspired time.  (Or maybe not, maybe they were just minding their own business, and ... boom!)  Still, is there any reason to think that we ourselves cannot listen to our tiny little (possibly) neglected Inner Voices and follow our own instincts, too?

I love habits and practices.  I enthusiastically practice yoga, tai chi, and am a reflexologist.  All of those require an attention to detail, some level of study, and a desire to follow the prescribed form.  And still, I always think, kind of excitedly, "Wow, someone just MADE THIS UP!"  This thought can be applied to anything, from religion to exercise to art to music to ... fill in the blank.

What does this mean (and why on earth does it matter)?  For one thing, I think that the practices developed by others are, on a deep level, for THEM, and are perfect for THEM -- and it may also be perfect for you, and often is ... but perhaps not.  In which case, is it not absolutely fine to just take the parts that suit you and assimilate them into the wonderful, unique thing that is Your Life, and move forward?  And sometimes, maybe when the moon is full and you've eaten too much chocolate, sometimes you might even go so far as to Make Up Your Own Stuff?  From music to meditating, from cooking to Christianity, from hiking to haiku -- what if we all gave some air time to our tiny little (possibly) neglected Inner Voices, and just Made It Up -- a habit, a practice, a life system, a creative process, big or small -- for our own pleasure and benefit?  And then maybe there just might come the perfect time to share Your Thing That You Made Up with someone else.  And it might be perfect for them, too -- or it might just plant a seed of an idea, and they can take what they like and make up their own stuff.  Hmmmm.  I like the sound of this.  

Please note!  For those of you who are still dying to hear me speak about meditation and all this good stuff, I've been happily rescheduled for Happiness Club on Wed. Oct. 26th at 7 pm, at the Scranton Library in Madison.  See you there!!

Love from the hammock (with a fleece blankie),

MJ

On Being in Love

A Column of Distraction from Whatever You May Have Experienced with Irene.

A few weeks ago, I was filling up my car at the gas station.  While standing there, I noticed a young guy, about 28, filling up his car across from me.  He was animatedly talking on the phone, with a super smug, smirky look on his face – a look that I quickly realized was The Look of Love.  Young Guy was talking to his New Love on the phone – I could just see it hanging all over him, like Christmas lights.  He was aglow and afire! 

Right then and there, I just said to myself “I want to feel like that RIGHT NOW.”  I mean, what feels better than that? (Disclaimer:  my husband is a lovey – and we’ve been together long enough that it’s not quite ‘like that’ anymore!)  So there I am, pumping gas, just idly looking off to the side and feeling totally, completely, utterly crazy in love.  Champagne-in-the-veins in love.  Not with anyone or anything specifically, I just let myself feel like I was … IN LOVE.  A few minutes went by, pumping my gas, and I’m just standing there, probably with that same smug, smirky, outrageous look on my face for no good reason at all – and then I looked up.  Another young man, Young Guy’s friend, was walking straight toward me, on his way back to their car.  He looked at me in a most engaging and direct way and said  “Well, hi, how are YOU today?” 

I must have turned ten shades of red (not unusual for me, admittedly).  I felt like I was just caught with my pants down in the middle of the town square!!  I mumbled a reply and raced off in my car, simultaneously laughing and mortified.  After the fact, I had this funny vision in my head of how my energy might have ‘looked’ at that moment at the gas station – and it was probably similar to sending up a flare or turning on a giant spotlight!  Whatever I was doing, it was really obvious to me that it was highly perceptible by others on the same wavelength. 

And what is the world really made of but finding things to be in love with?  And why can’t we just be ‘in love’, without a specific object or person to aim those feelings toward?  And if we can do that, shouldn’t we?  Couldn’t we just stop at any point in our day and feel … in love?  No matter what was going on?  And wouldn’t that add something beautiful to your world and the world around you?  Just a thought.

So, for no reason at all, turn on your spotlight, send up a flare.  It will be seen and received somewhere.  And it WILL come back to you!

Note:  For those of you who were dying to hear me speak at Happiness Club on August 31^st, apparently Mother Nature had different plans.  I will be rescheduled soon, at exactly the right time, no doubt, and will keep you posted!

Love,

MJ

p.s.  Thanks to Young Guy #1 and #2. 

Making the Decision to be Happy

Yeah, yeah, I know, I’ll get a lot of flack for this one.  However, before you drag me off to be tarred and feathered as a lunatic, hear me out.  Please keep in mind that I, like you, have plenty of stories -- of pain, of tragedy, of upset, of wounds of all sorts.  I’ve been on and off the Pollyanna wagon my whole life.  We all have those stories.  And they are true!  We all have lots of reasons and evidence as to why we were unhappy, and why we will very likely stay unhappy, if we want to look for trouble.  The fact remains, ‘trouble’ will always show up, in some way.  Life is bumpy and wiggly, not neat and straight.  We have no choice about what goes on around us (although we can certainly influence it), but we do have a choice about how we react to everything, big and small,  that comes our way.

So, isn’t that good news?  You may not be able to change the way things are looking to you outwardly right now, but you can change the inner view.  In June, I heard Lionel Ketchian speak at the Happiness Club in Madison.  (Lionel is the founder of the Happiness Club, a free club with over 80 chapters world wide featuring different monthly speakers.)  Anyhow, hearing him speak seems to have clicked on yet another lightbulb, lighting my way to feeling really great, more of the time, for no particular reason.  

Lionel describes Happiness as a decision that he made.  That’s right, a decision; not something that comes to you from the outside, through people and actions and events.  Now, I thought I really knew that already, but I left that meeting with a new habit:  

Every time something is happening around me that I don’t like, or I don’t feel so great, or I’m brooding about something dumb and pointless and negative, I try to catch myself and say “Oh yeah, I forgot that I’ve decided to be happy no matter what!”  And I reset and refocus.

Does this sound simplistic?  It is.  Is it unrealistic?  No more than anything else.  Does it necessarily change outer circumstances?  No, but meanwhile, I get to feel okay no matter what (and then I find that circumstances ‘shift’ to match my feelings).  So -- the penalty for doing this is -- that I get to feel happy pretty much all the time, except for those ‘reset’ moments?  Hmmm, my price to pay for being happy is... being more happy.  I know, I know, this sounds like a trick.  

Still, think about it.  You can apply this to anything.  Let’s say you hate your job, your boss, your neighbor.  The next time you find yourself reacting, what if you stop and say “Oh yeah, I forgot that I decided to be happy no matter what!”  And you smile a little smile and go on your way.  Let’s say you are dealing with something truly catastrophic -- illness, natural disaster, financial ruin -- does the circumstance really have to dictate how you feel?  What if by doing this regularly, no matter what comes our way, we retrain our basic level of feeling to feeling more or less happy?  And what if by doing this persistently, you were able to eventually affect change outside of yourself, without stressful struggling?  And meanwhile, you got to feel good, no matter what?

OK, string me up if you like.  I am finding this to be more true, every day, and it’s pretty darned exciting.  And certainly, far less tiring.  

Oh -- and I’ll be speaking about all of this stuff at the Happiness Club in Madison, on Wed. Aug. 31st at 7 p.m., at the Madison Public Library.  Please come, it will be fun!!  Admission is free!

Love from In the Hammock (and I’m not coming out),

MJ

Feel better, now! No, really!

Happy summer!  Here are a few amusing but useful ideas for feeling better than you normally might, in any given situation:

Smiling.  Do it.  All the time.  Fake smiling actually triggers endorphins to be released throughout your body, which really, truly make you feel MUCH better, with no outward changes required.  Just smile.  The rest of you will soon catch up.    

Laughing.  I laugh at everything and everyone, including myself, as much as possible.  This is primarily nice laughing, not snide laughing, hopefully.  I once was nearly fired from a job in a doctor’s office for laughing too loudly.  The doctor felt that I was not serious enough and might be upsetting his patients.  It was a gastroenterology practice, and frankly, I’m quite confident that all of those people in the waiting room with diarrhea, constipation, liver disease, polyps, fistulas, and Lord knows what else could have definitely benefitted from a good laugh or at least a smile.  

Cursing.  There are those who would argue bitterly against this.  Thanks to my husband, I have become a big proponent of Selective Swearing in Order to Lighten a Situation.  Of course, I prefer swearing in exuberance over swearing in anger or annoyance (in a perfect world).  Creative swearing such as “Holy Mother of God in a sidecar, how did that happen?” can immediately change a stupid or embarrassing or upsetting or irritating event into something to laugh at.  Try it.

Talk in Funny Accents.  I cannot stress this enough.  I feel fortunate that my husband, my son and I have developed a really dopey accent that we speak to each other in.  It is it’s own accent, not particularly identifiable, but it is contagious and we find that our friends and colleagues slip into it also now and then, which is very rewarding.  It is especially important to speak in a silly accent when an argument is brewing, when you’ve done something really terrible and have to inform someone about it, when you need help doing an unpleasant job, when you want something important that you are afraid to ask for ... you get the idea.

Skip, Gallop, Jump or Flap Your Hands Vigorously.  This is self-explanatory.  I would like to thank my grown son for bringing this to my attention.  Sadly, this is a Happy Outlet that most adults have forgotten.  Try galloping down the hallway.  Now.  (No, I mean really do it.) Now don’t you feel better?  And the next time you feel really crazy and hectic and stressed out, try pretending you are six years old and just flap your hands like mad in the air, like a crazy chicken.  You will immediately feel a giant release of yucky energy, and you will also feel like.... you are six.  This is a good thing.  Watch children, they’ve got the Happy Outlet concept down pat.

Singing Aimlessly/Humming Tunelessly.  Singing of any kind is uplifting, period.  My son recommends tuneless humming and I must agree; it makes you feel child-like and silly and nice.  Goes well with skipping and galloping. 

Improve Your Posture.  Good posture is not just something invented by our parents to make us feel bad about ourselves.  When you put your shoulders back, the world will change.  This happens for two reasons:  (1) You actually feel better.  When you scrunch and hunch over, you are messing with your energy flow.  This is physics.  (2) The world sees you differently and responds accordingly.  A person with excellent posture, shoulders back, says to the world, I am healthy, confident and happy!  Yippee!  And as we all know, like attracts like.  Try this for one whole day, and see if you don’t feel that the world is responding to you just a little more positively.  IT’S PHYSICS.

Do Anything That Makes You Forget What Time it is.  This is the ultimate Happy Outlet.  This is when you are in your Element, following your calling, whatever you may call it.  This may occur while doing anything creative or artistically oriented, while exercising, parenting, gardening, fixing your car, vacuuming, anything.  It is important that you take note of the various things that you do during which time you completely forget to look at the clock, and when you do, you can’t believe how much time has passed!  Identify these things, and make every effort to incorporate them into your daily life as much as possible.  The Universe is calling you.  Answer the phone today, you know what I mean?

With a little persistence and training, we can feel better more of the time.  And everyone benefits from that, right?  Now, stand up straight and put a smile on it.  That’s an order. 

Love, MJ

The Merits of White Noise

Spring-y greetings to all!  That said, I’ll get right down to it; I love white noise. White noise is defined as a heterogeneous mixture of sound waves extending over a wide frequency range; a constant background noise; especially one that drowns out other sounds.

I’ve always had a kind of weird obsession with white noise.  I remember being two or three and following my mother around while she was vacuuming, and I would lie down on the floor next to the vacuum, contented, relaxed -- happier than a pig in you know what.  I loved it without having any idea why.  Since then, I’ve learned that the sound of a vacuum closely resembles the sound that we hear when we are babies in the womb.  Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Before long, I graduated to hairdryers.  This was before hand-held hairdryers; we had a hard-top hairdryer that you had to sit under.  You know, the kind that looks like an egg.  At first I just washed and dried my hair a lot, but after a while I just stopped pretending I was doing anything other than just sitting under there.  I’d read, write, draw, do my nails, nap … and I had some really, really dry hair.  This persisted to adulthood, and I still have a hooded hairdryer that I use.  I’ve done some really creative things under there, too – created entire business plans!  I’ve written entire books (which are, granted, as of yet, unpublished)!  Amazing things can happen when you manage to block out the noise of the world for a few minutes.  

These days, I’ve decided to spare my hair, the electric bill and my husband’s ears by listening to white noise on my iPod most of the time.  My current favorite is a recording called Autumn Winds, which I found on a site called whitenoisemp3s.com.  It’s one solid hour of actual wind sounds from a forest in northern Canada.  The site also has the sounds of storms, brooks, waves, air conditioners, frogs, birds, and yes, even vacuum cleaners (but no hair dryers). 

The reason I bring this up is that white noise can be incredibly soothing.  It can help you sleep more peacefully; meditate more easily; turn your mind off and relax in general.  It’s a super simple way to turn off all that noise in your mind that gets between you and your Best Self.  And heaven knows, when your Best Self gets to come out and play more often, amazing things start to happen in your life.

So if you are feeling drained, exasperated, irritated, irrational, or like you just might be losing your mind, give this a try.  And if you already have a closeted white noise habit, bring it out in the open!  I can now sit happily in the same room with my husband, the dog, my son, the parakeet – and with Autumn Winds in my ears, I can tune it all out and happily write my columns while giving the appearance of being sociable!  Ah, yes, life is good. 

Hugs from the hammock!

MJ

p.s.  I’m happy to announce that my excellent husband gave me a hammock for our anniversary!  Yippee!